Well college ended for the year this past Friday and I got be honest, I'm not feeling in the mood for Christmas. It's too materialistic and it brings people together for the wrong reasons; I'm not saying I don't enjoy getting new things but it shouldn't be why everyone comes together. Everyone at college is overly excited about it and it's kinda annoying. Giving out Christmas cards is something I don't do anymore as I don't see the point in sending people I hardly know crap they don't need or appreciate and it works more or less the same way when I am given a Christmas card. Most people just give them out to everyone they know and to me that doesn't mean a thing. I am a little more thankful to the people who actually really know me sending me Christmas card and looking back on it maybe I should send them a card but then again they already know how I feel and I don't think they need anything physical from me to let them know I care, I can quite easily say "Have a good Christmas" I don't think I need to give them a card.
So other than Christmas fever what's been happening at college? I've been falling behind with my assignments, getting nowhere with girls, trying not to rip my hair out while sorting out my "band" and feeling overall a bit shit. As I've said, I'm on break now but since then I haven't even talked to anyone at all. Maybe I'm jumping the gun and people will start talking to me after Christmas but still I feel a bit neglected. My Mothers relationship with a married man went down the shitter again today but I'm sure he'll be back eventually, my Mum is a bit too soft sometimes. Every single guy that's walked through our door I've judging correctly and this guy is no different; and yet my Mum insists on being stupid about it. Oh yeah! Last Saturday I got really down and got really drunk, threw up, fell over in my sick and lied there for a few hours before getting into a bath my Mum had so kindly drawn for me, washed myself and went to bed; the following day I felt like crap. Let that be a lesson to you kiddies, alcohol is bad and should only be drank by me because no one cares what I do XD.
Christmas day is gunna be funny as fuck and awful at the same time. Like every Christmas we're going to my Grandpop's house which isn't really a big deal as we always do that; what makes it a big deal THIS year is that my Aunt and her family are coming down also. Now, my Mum isn't the smartest women on the planet as you may have guessed by now and my Aunt knows this. I guess you could just say that's how sisters are but my Mum doesn't like going there when she's there because she just can't take her older sister being mean to her, and I can somewhat understand that as I have an older brother also and he can be a prick too. Mum says we're only staying there for 2 hours and then we're going home.
This Christmas is probably going to be my Grandpops last Christmas so I'm hoping it's going to be a nice one although I can see some kinda fight.
It's 19:17pm or 7:17pm right now as I write this sentence and surprisingly I'm not finding it hard to get to sleep as Christmas comes closer. I find it hard anyway but I thought I'd find it a little harder but maybe because Christmas is so shit for me I can't be arsed to be excited.
As always I wish someone would read this, it would be nice for some feedback although as I've probably said before the feedback would probably be a little unhelpful as I only really use this to bitch.
Anyway I can't think of anything else to write so Take care, D.F.T.B.A and have a good holiday non existent readers.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Monday, 12 November 2012
I hate Mondays.
I say I hate Mondays a lot. Each and every time they come around I say it at least once.
Mondays are the start of the week so normally I wake up a little tired and not used to waking up so early. The day goes on I find it hard to wake up and have a smile on my face, then teachers yell at me, I have a massive free period which unless I go to my Grandpops is spent feeling really awkwardly and out of place. "You'll get a bunch of amazing new friends at college" they said. And I don't disagree but I don't agree. They're only my friend when they want to be. After college I take the bus home and then walk to my house. The walk to my house hurts my legs but it seems to be pleasant. I get home and if Mum's home she's either lazing about the house, about to go out or cooking dinner. If she's not home she's either taking my sister to her extra classes for the fucking idiots or she's catering to our horse.
After dinner I sit at the computer and wait for kinda social activity, I keep my phone right next to me but as normal it doesn't go off. Eventually I contemplate doing homework and that normally doesn't happen, if it does happen I spend all night doing it and wake up in a shitty mood the next day due to lack of sleep. When I finally do go to bed I actually find it hard to sleep. Although there's no physical pain I feel that a huge weight on throbbing on my head. If I had to describe the sound it would be a very heavy thick one toned bass, constantly holding one note.
Mondays normally suck for me. This Monday brought me being ignored once again by Andy, finding out that Alice is gunna end up with some chavy looking guy who someone in my Health and Social care class set her up with, I'm not sure why but it sorta bugs me. I don't have any kind of love feeling for her I guess it's because they were openly talking about the size of his penis. I don't really feel much for Andy either, maybe I'm saying that because she's kinda pissed me off, I feel sorta screwed over because she was my first kiss and now she's ignoring me. Oh well, Mondays suck end of story.
On a slightly brighter note, I'll be going to live music on Wednesday with Harry Millard and Alex Bamford. For those of you who don't know what that is it's pretty much a bunch of people who get together and jam around. It's at the college and it should be funny watching Alex attempt to play.
Anyway, Mondays suck, I'm going to bed, take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Mondays are the start of the week so normally I wake up a little tired and not used to waking up so early. The day goes on I find it hard to wake up and have a smile on my face, then teachers yell at me, I have a massive free period which unless I go to my Grandpops is spent feeling really awkwardly and out of place. "You'll get a bunch of amazing new friends at college" they said. And I don't disagree but I don't agree. They're only my friend when they want to be. After college I take the bus home and then walk to my house. The walk to my house hurts my legs but it seems to be pleasant. I get home and if Mum's home she's either lazing about the house, about to go out or cooking dinner. If she's not home she's either taking my sister to her extra classes for the fucking idiots or she's catering to our horse.
After dinner I sit at the computer and wait for kinda social activity, I keep my phone right next to me but as normal it doesn't go off. Eventually I contemplate doing homework and that normally doesn't happen, if it does happen I spend all night doing it and wake up in a shitty mood the next day due to lack of sleep. When I finally do go to bed I actually find it hard to sleep. Although there's no physical pain I feel that a huge weight on throbbing on my head. If I had to describe the sound it would be a very heavy thick one toned bass, constantly holding one note.
Mondays normally suck for me. This Monday brought me being ignored once again by Andy, finding out that Alice is gunna end up with some chavy looking guy who someone in my Health and Social care class set her up with, I'm not sure why but it sorta bugs me. I don't have any kind of love feeling for her I guess it's because they were openly talking about the size of his penis. I don't really feel much for Andy either, maybe I'm saying that because she's kinda pissed me off, I feel sorta screwed over because she was my first kiss and now she's ignoring me. Oh well, Mondays suck end of story.
On a slightly brighter note, I'll be going to live music on Wednesday with Harry Millard and Alex Bamford. For those of you who don't know what that is it's pretty much a bunch of people who get together and jam around. It's at the college and it should be funny watching Alex attempt to play.
Anyway, Mondays suck, I'm going to bed, take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Saturday stuff.
Well it's Saturday and guess what I'm doing over this weekend. Yep as always it seems like I suddenly don't exist. However, I was asked if I wanted to go out with Louise and a bunch of her friends but the last time I did that I had to pay £6 to get into a shitty fireworks display with a crap band, feel out of place, freezing my balls off and get a muddy ass so no I didn't wanna go out with those people today. I guess that sorta was my chance to do something this weekend but still, the outcome would've been the same.
I'm bored, listening to music, right now it's Catcher in the rye by Guns N Roses. The thought of writing a book comes into mind sometimes, about 4 people who grow up together and change, have fights, makes friends and eventually they all lose everything and commit suicide in various ways. Like one would drive his car into something explosive, one would shoot himself in his bedroom and I'm not sure about the other two. Maybe one moves away and the other does something else I dunno. Oh! Maybe one gets shot by people because he gets too involved in drugs?
Honestly though, if I had a gun it life would be so much easier. I wish I was smarter but nope, I'm an idiot and if anyone reads this they'd agree.
I'm totally being used oh, and I really should be doing homework right now but I honestly can't be fucked. Like what's the point? I know all the stuff they talk about in class, more or less. I don't get why we get practically brainwashed from birth about how we have to succeed in school and grades are the most important thing in the world and you have to be socially accepted etc. I can understand our parents giving us the basics like stay away from drugs and pedophiles etc but any further than that is stupid unless we ask for help but then again if we're small and stupid of course we're going to ask for help. Oh a little off topic I.R.S by Guns N Roses is a fucking amazing song. I hate how assholes somehow become successful and people like me, real people get shat on. Now reading all my other posts I probably don't come across as such a good guy, but I really do fucking try.
We had a two minute silence at college on Friday for Remembrance day, not to sound mean but I doubt many people actually give a fuck. People don't care about what our older relatives did to stop evil. And even then it depends on what you mean by evil. To some people what Hitler wanted to do was good. Anyway I can understand Teachers and parents wanting to get the message of respect in our heads but half the people in this world are way to fucking stupid and bratty. I hate this place with a passion, and I'm just as bad as everyone else. Sure I can bitch about how bad this place but that's not part of the solution at all. I'd rather kill myself than live in this shithole of a world. No infact shithole is giving Earth way too much credit.
I can do my best to be nice, polite and try to fit in but if I don't somehow it's my fault? Maybe it is but it's not just my fault, give me a fucking chance? Nah even teachers are like that, the people we're supposed to look up at, the people teaching the next generation can be total pricks. They don't teach everyone in their class, they teach the majority and leave the stragglers to the vultures of depression and misery, hopelessness and hurt. Just take my Health and Social care teacher Corrine, She is fucking shit teacher. Oh I know I should respect the fact she's been teaching for so long and such but it's one rule for one person and another for a better person. For me at least she's not part of the solution she part of the problem. Then there's one of my English teachers of whom I don't the name of and I don't care to learn it. She used to be a body builder or some kinda athletic cow. Anyway her views on people are just so fucking insensitive and wrong, like HOW THE FUCK DID SHE BECOME A TEACHER?! She's about as sensitive as a brick.
This world depresses me to the point I write a shitty blog no one reads. I'm part of the problem and the way I see it I can be part of the solution if I grow some balls.
Looking back on what I've written I don't think anyone would see it the way I see it. They'd probably just think I'm a moody teenager throwing a fit and maybe that's true I dunno but right now this is how I feel.
I'd love to get a bass guitar and huge ass amp and something to make it sound evil and a little fuzzy, I guess that would be a distortion pedal? I dunno but anyway I'd just sit there hitting long drone-y notes.
Okay well I'm bored of writing, if anyone actually reads this please comment or something I'd love to hear from you, even if you're just here to bitch at me.
Well take care and D.F.T.B.A.
I'm bored, listening to music, right now it's Catcher in the rye by Guns N Roses. The thought of writing a book comes into mind sometimes, about 4 people who grow up together and change, have fights, makes friends and eventually they all lose everything and commit suicide in various ways. Like one would drive his car into something explosive, one would shoot himself in his bedroom and I'm not sure about the other two. Maybe one moves away and the other does something else I dunno. Oh! Maybe one gets shot by people because he gets too involved in drugs?
Honestly though, if I had a gun it life would be so much easier. I wish I was smarter but nope, I'm an idiot and if anyone reads this they'd agree.
I'm totally being used oh, and I really should be doing homework right now but I honestly can't be fucked. Like what's the point? I know all the stuff they talk about in class, more or less. I don't get why we get practically brainwashed from birth about how we have to succeed in school and grades are the most important thing in the world and you have to be socially accepted etc. I can understand our parents giving us the basics like stay away from drugs and pedophiles etc but any further than that is stupid unless we ask for help but then again if we're small and stupid of course we're going to ask for help. Oh a little off topic I.R.S by Guns N Roses is a fucking amazing song. I hate how assholes somehow become successful and people like me, real people get shat on. Now reading all my other posts I probably don't come across as such a good guy, but I really do fucking try.
We had a two minute silence at college on Friday for Remembrance day, not to sound mean but I doubt many people actually give a fuck. People don't care about what our older relatives did to stop evil. And even then it depends on what you mean by evil. To some people what Hitler wanted to do was good. Anyway I can understand Teachers and parents wanting to get the message of respect in our heads but half the people in this world are way to fucking stupid and bratty. I hate this place with a passion, and I'm just as bad as everyone else. Sure I can bitch about how bad this place but that's not part of the solution at all. I'd rather kill myself than live in this shithole of a world. No infact shithole is giving Earth way too much credit.
I can do my best to be nice, polite and try to fit in but if I don't somehow it's my fault? Maybe it is but it's not just my fault, give me a fucking chance? Nah even teachers are like that, the people we're supposed to look up at, the people teaching the next generation can be total pricks. They don't teach everyone in their class, they teach the majority and leave the stragglers to the vultures of depression and misery, hopelessness and hurt. Just take my Health and Social care teacher Corrine, She is fucking shit teacher. Oh I know I should respect the fact she's been teaching for so long and such but it's one rule for one person and another for a better person. For me at least she's not part of the solution she part of the problem. Then there's one of my English teachers of whom I don't the name of and I don't care to learn it. She used to be a body builder or some kinda athletic cow. Anyway her views on people are just so fucking insensitive and wrong, like HOW THE FUCK DID SHE BECOME A TEACHER?! She's about as sensitive as a brick.
This world depresses me to the point I write a shitty blog no one reads. I'm part of the problem and the way I see it I can be part of the solution if I grow some balls.
Looking back on what I've written I don't think anyone would see it the way I see it. They'd probably just think I'm a moody teenager throwing a fit and maybe that's true I dunno but right now this is how I feel.
I'd love to get a bass guitar and huge ass amp and something to make it sound evil and a little fuzzy, I guess that would be a distortion pedal? I dunno but anyway I'd just sit there hitting long drone-y notes.
Okay well I'm bored of writing, if anyone actually reads this please comment or something I'd love to hear from you, even if you're just here to bitch at me.
Well take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Friday, 9 November 2012
More stuff.
Well it's certainly been an interesting week my non existent readers. I got my first ever kiss this week yeah seriously, my first ever! It happened on Tuesday right at the end of college, bet you're wondering who it is huh? It was Andy. Yeah I've mentioned her before. Anyway college as always has given me too much homework. I'm fed up with it and what kinda makes stuff worse is I think Andy is ignoring me. We went out on Wednesday with her uh I'm not really sure what to call her but we went out with Jakki and I think that's probably what messed it up. I guess it just didn't go well and we haven't really talked since Wednesday. I hope something happens but Alice told me she has some kinda personality disorder but the "real her" likes me so I guess that's good right? But I'm still kinda hesitant as she's in an open relationship with Jakki. So does that mean she's just getting her thrills from me and moving on or what? I hope not, she's really cute and we get along okay I guess. I dunno anyway Wednesday I went into college and me and my buddy Harry Millard had a little jam, we played the blues and 2 people came over and asked if they could listen to us play! XD I know it's only 2 people but that was amazing! I REALLY! Wanna play on stage, like playing a fucking amazing show would be so kick ass! Like get the crowd involved when I can, Seek and Destroy, Master of Puppets, Creeping Death, Tornado of souls, I believe in a thing called love, Toxicity etc. ANYTHING AWESOME! I just wanna get that buzz I get from watching the greats play live. I want the crowd to fucking love it and feel good y'know? It just looks so fun! Anyway it's Friday night and I don't really have any plans except for maybe Sunday? I might be jamming with Harry but I'm not sure what's going on.
Anyway! I don't really have much else to say, I'm rather buzzy right now, I've been listening to Metallica Live in Seattle 1989, SO FUCKING AMAZING!
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Anyway! I don't really have much else to say, I'm rather buzzy right now, I've been listening to Metallica Live in Seattle 1989, SO FUCKING AMAZING!
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Friday, 2 November 2012
I don't even know what this is, I guess it's a rant?
So I got drunk this past Tuesday and I found out that Alice liked me and I sorta blew my chance I guess. Oh well it's not like I'd know what to do even we were to date. I'm useless honestly. I'm not sure what to write honestly, I'm just a little pissed off with the world. Nothing to do, no one to talk to and I feel unwanted. I help people out when I can or at least I try to and I get sweet nothing back. I'm not saying I help out so I can get something back I'm just saying it'd be nice once in a while to get some appreciation and acknowledgement.
I'm a little pissed off that somehow even though I practice every day I seem to be getting worse at playing my guitar. My hand hurts when I do Spider chords now which for you people who have no idea what I mean when I say that just Youtube Dave Mustaine spider chords and you'll see what I mean, don't get the wrong idea I'm not new to doing spider chords, they used to hurt when I first started doing them but you get used to it. Simple riffs and chords hurt my fretting hand for some reason. Maybe I'm practicing too much? I don't think I am, it's not like I'm really hitting it hard I'm just doing my normal stuff.
I just wanna fucking scream! Not in a girly slasher movie way, in a sorta the way Tom Araya shouts everything he sings, just take the song Disciple by Slayer. I'm just fed up with everything. Bleh on top of my struggles I somehow have, I have to think about my assignments I have due on Monday.
Oh and I was supposed to see my psychiatrist this coming Tuesday but she canceled that so fuck you, you stupid bitch just fuck you. I'm finding it hard getting to sleep at night, my feet get cold as my quilt is just a little bit too small? Or maybe I'm just too tall. I am at least 6 foot tall. I resorted to climbing into a sleeping bag and putting my quilt on top of that.
When is life going to get good for me? I have no idea what to write now so I guess that's it for now. Not sure what I'll do after posting this, maybe go to bed? I dunno.
I wish someone would read this, as I've said before just for advise.
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.
I'm a little pissed off that somehow even though I practice every day I seem to be getting worse at playing my guitar. My hand hurts when I do Spider chords now which for you people who have no idea what I mean when I say that just Youtube Dave Mustaine spider chords and you'll see what I mean, don't get the wrong idea I'm not new to doing spider chords, they used to hurt when I first started doing them but you get used to it. Simple riffs and chords hurt my fretting hand for some reason. Maybe I'm practicing too much? I don't think I am, it's not like I'm really hitting it hard I'm just doing my normal stuff.
I just wanna fucking scream! Not in a girly slasher movie way, in a sorta the way Tom Araya shouts everything he sings, just take the song Disciple by Slayer. I'm just fed up with everything. Bleh on top of my struggles I somehow have, I have to think about my assignments I have due on Monday.
Oh and I was supposed to see my psychiatrist this coming Tuesday but she canceled that so fuck you, you stupid bitch just fuck you. I'm finding it hard getting to sleep at night, my feet get cold as my quilt is just a little bit too small? Or maybe I'm just too tall. I am at least 6 foot tall. I resorted to climbing into a sleeping bag and putting my quilt on top of that.
When is life going to get good for me? I have no idea what to write now so I guess that's it for now. Not sure what I'll do after posting this, maybe go to bed? I dunno.
I wish someone would read this, as I've said before just for advise.
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Random things because I'm bored.
So my little Brother is up stairs playing on his Nintendo Game cube and my Sister and Mum are out riding the horse, yes I have a horse. I have quiet a few animals actually, I have 3 dogs Rosie is a Staffordshire Bull terrier and she's MY bitch. Charlie is a blue merle Collie and she's my Mums dog. Teddy is a weird cross breed I think he's part Westhighland terrier and some other dog but he was one of our first ever dogs. Our first dog was Sam who, like Rosie was a staff but also crossed with a Labrador and he always slept at the end of my bed. I loved Same so frigging much, I was heartbroken when he died. I came home from school to be told he had a heart attack and he's dead. Really sucked but anyway we also have 2 cats, Jess and Molly. Molly's been with us since before I was born just like Sam. She's black, white and brown and she's uber skinny. It's not like we don't feed her, she eats tons she's just old I guess and she also has a heart murmur. Jess is a more independent cat, we don't see her every day as she likes to explore the world. She's pitch black with green eyes and she's pretty evil. She's defiantly one to hold a grudge; one time she was accidentally stood on by my Mum but she didn't do anything right away she simply waited until my Mum was using the toilet and stupid Mum didn't lock the toilet door so Jess opened it and attacked Mum, it was fucking hilarious. As you know by reading this I also have a horse called Millie. She's pretty tall somewhere around 15 to 16 hands for you horsy people. I don't really do much with her she's more my Mums and Sisters pet than anyone elses. Then there's Gromit he's actually a Rabbit so yeah not a dog but he's my Rabbit. He's brown with floppy ears and he's a pretty dang big Rabbit.
I suppose that's it for pets, I've had all kinda of Dogs in my house over the years as my mum used to foster animals so we've had Cats, Dogs, Guinea Pigs, Rats etc.
Anyway getting on to other things, trying to find the right guitar to buy is a pain in the ass. Most of the time they're cheaper online but buying online can be a bit of a pain because you can't play and inspect the guitar before you buy it. Then there's the kind of music you want to play on that guitar and a little bit less of a point how you look with that guitar. That £250 Jackson Alex has does not suit him one bit at all. It's a little bit of a pain in the arse not to mention I don't have an acoustic so I kinda need to get one because you can't just have an electric all your life XD. Plus there's money. Money comes into everything and I hate it because I either never have enough or not have any.
I need a girlfriend. Come on everyone it wouldn't be a blog post by Pete if I didn't mention girls or sex or anything related to it. I swear it's impossible for me to find anyone though as I've said before and as a 16 going on 17 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl it's on my mind a lot as I kinda feel not normal and I know you're probably thinking "why would you wanna be normal?" well I don't wanna be normal with everything I just wanna fit in socially and as a teenager the subject of sex comes up a lot.
I do wonder what peoples reactions would be if they read this though XD. I can't imagine people from college being happy about it. Don't think I'm an asshole, I wouldn't be doing the classes I do if I were an asshole and it's impossible for me to write every little thing into this blog and I did say this blog would be kinda bitchy. I say to myself in my head a lot "I'll never refuse to help someone" but that doesn't mean I'll help someone hurt someone else or anything it just means for example if I see a person crying in public on there own I'd go over to them and try to help. I like helping people it's kinda who what I do. I rarely get help back though, I guess maybe I'm too generous? That kinda makes sense I guess whenever someone needs a few pounds I'll help out like for example a couple of Fridays ago a guy called Joey needed £3 for the buss so I gave him £3 and he made a really big deal of thanking me and saying he'd pay me back. I bet you can guess what I'm about to write, YEP! He still hasn't payed me back and I don't really care all that much. It wasn't the first time I've lent money out and never got it back. In fact I've given a fair amount of money out to be people at college and never gotten anything back. To be fair a few times I've told them not to pay me back if it's been something like 20p or something but still my point is I'm a giver and I hardly ever receive anything back. Still I'll carry on helping when I can and continue to get nothing in return and occasionally disrespected after.
I should be buying myself new clothes soon, I only have two pairs of trousers and one pair of shorts. Even so the fact I have money and I'm spending it on myself makes me feel somewhat guilty. Christmas is coming up and I always get yelled at by my Dad for not getting anyone anything for Christmas. I don't have a job, I don't always get money and when I do I don't get to spend it on things I actually want I have to spend them on things I need like clothes and I apparently have to spend my money on everyone else. What's the point in giving me Birthday money if I have to spend on other peoples birthdays and I don't get to spend it on myself at all. It sucks that my Birthday is on the 29th of December yes 4 days after Christmas. Everyone cheeps out on me by giving me presents on Christmas and saying they're "birthday and Christmas presents" or when my birthday comes around they say things like "You got a lot for Christmas" and after all that if I do get birthday money then I end up spending it on shit I kinda don't wanna buy but have to.
I wish I was rich. Maybe I should enter the lottery for the first time ever, I doubt I'll get anything from it but meh. No one ever got anything by wishing for it I guess, I have actually do something about it. I am getting or at least trying to get qualifications so the rest of my life won't be so shit and I can do what I WANT TO DO!
I kinda wish someone would read this and give me some kind of feedback. I know my spelling and Grammar is pretty bad but that's not what I mean, I wish someone would give me advise on my life XD. I wouldn't want it to be someone I actually know unless I actually respect them. Then again I suppose their advise wouldn't be great as this blog doesn't show every inch of me, it just shows I'm a horny idiot who complains waaaaay too much.
Oh well I guess I'm done writing for now.
Take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
I suppose that's it for pets, I've had all kinda of Dogs in my house over the years as my mum used to foster animals so we've had Cats, Dogs, Guinea Pigs, Rats etc.
Anyway getting on to other things, trying to find the right guitar to buy is a pain in the ass. Most of the time they're cheaper online but buying online can be a bit of a pain because you can't play and inspect the guitar before you buy it. Then there's the kind of music you want to play on that guitar and a little bit less of a point how you look with that guitar. That £250 Jackson Alex has does not suit him one bit at all. It's a little bit of a pain in the arse not to mention I don't have an acoustic so I kinda need to get one because you can't just have an electric all your life XD. Plus there's money. Money comes into everything and I hate it because I either never have enough or not have any.
I need a girlfriend. Come on everyone it wouldn't be a blog post by Pete if I didn't mention girls or sex or anything related to it. I swear it's impossible for me to find anyone though as I've said before and as a 16 going on 17 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl it's on my mind a lot as I kinda feel not normal and I know you're probably thinking "why would you wanna be normal?" well I don't wanna be normal with everything I just wanna fit in socially and as a teenager the subject of sex comes up a lot.
I do wonder what peoples reactions would be if they read this though XD. I can't imagine people from college being happy about it. Don't think I'm an asshole, I wouldn't be doing the classes I do if I were an asshole and it's impossible for me to write every little thing into this blog and I did say this blog would be kinda bitchy. I say to myself in my head a lot "I'll never refuse to help someone" but that doesn't mean I'll help someone hurt someone else or anything it just means for example if I see a person crying in public on there own I'd go over to them and try to help. I like helping people it's kinda who what I do. I rarely get help back though, I guess maybe I'm too generous? That kinda makes sense I guess whenever someone needs a few pounds I'll help out like for example a couple of Fridays ago a guy called Joey needed £3 for the buss so I gave him £3 and he made a really big deal of thanking me and saying he'd pay me back. I bet you can guess what I'm about to write, YEP! He still hasn't payed me back and I don't really care all that much. It wasn't the first time I've lent money out and never got it back. In fact I've given a fair amount of money out to be people at college and never gotten anything back. To be fair a few times I've told them not to pay me back if it's been something like 20p or something but still my point is I'm a giver and I hardly ever receive anything back. Still I'll carry on helping when I can and continue to get nothing in return and occasionally disrespected after.
I should be buying myself new clothes soon, I only have two pairs of trousers and one pair of shorts. Even so the fact I have money and I'm spending it on myself makes me feel somewhat guilty. Christmas is coming up and I always get yelled at by my Dad for not getting anyone anything for Christmas. I don't have a job, I don't always get money and when I do I don't get to spend it on things I actually want I have to spend them on things I need like clothes and I apparently have to spend my money on everyone else. What's the point in giving me Birthday money if I have to spend on other peoples birthdays and I don't get to spend it on myself at all. It sucks that my Birthday is on the 29th of December yes 4 days after Christmas. Everyone cheeps out on me by giving me presents on Christmas and saying they're "birthday and Christmas presents" or when my birthday comes around they say things like "You got a lot for Christmas" and after all that if I do get birthday money then I end up spending it on shit I kinda don't wanna buy but have to.
I wish I was rich. Maybe I should enter the lottery for the first time ever, I doubt I'll get anything from it but meh. No one ever got anything by wishing for it I guess, I have actually do something about it. I am getting or at least trying to get qualifications so the rest of my life won't be so shit and I can do what I WANT TO DO!
I kinda wish someone would read this and give me some kind of feedback. I know my spelling and Grammar is pretty bad but that's not what I mean, I wish someone would give me advise on my life XD. I wouldn't want it to be someone I actually know unless I actually respect them. Then again I suppose their advise wouldn't be great as this blog doesn't show every inch of me, it just shows I'm a horny idiot who complains waaaaay too much.
Oh well I guess I'm done writing for now.
Take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
Monday, 29 October 2012
First half term holiday, some of my thoughts.
Well it's been a while since I posted on here. Last post was on the 8th of September so I have a lot of shit to say and I'm not sure I can get it all down in one post so I'll just do my best.
First up is college! It's been very....Interesting to say the least. Girls girls and more girls everywhere I frigging look and most of them are taken and snogging they're bf/gf infront of everyone. It's kinda sick the way they play tonsil tennis in such a public place although if I had someone to do that with I'd do as much as possible XD, anyway I'm one of two guys in my Health and Social care class so that always raises your chances a bit. Tons of assignments and not much time to goof off although because I'm me I somehow find a way to not do any work in class and somehow manage to get average grades. I guess if I actually did more in lessons I'd probably get really good grades but I'm a lazy shit and as I've said before I'd like some kinda social life.
So we have Alice, She's a sorta rebel, emo, punk, sexy, smart ass with blue hair, previously red that likes to wear bandanas and who doesn't show up to lessons as much as everyone else but is super frigging smart. She has tons of friends in the college so the only real time I get to talk to her is when we're in lesson. I have a feeling I could have fucked her in the toilets one time though, let me explain! I guess from the previous posts and by reading this one so far you must think I'm a right little shit who would fuck a chicken if he was paid to, trust me that's really not the case. I'm like the most innocent guy you'll ever meet; never even kissed a girl before anyway! Getting back to the story, Me, my friend Harry Reed, Andy Tylers (Girl who wants to be a guy but is actually kinda hot), and some other guy I don't know the name of but he's kinda nerdy so lets call him Melvin were all in the English block after college had ended just chilling and eventually people had to go leaving me and Alice alone. Alice from what I can tell is a very huggy, physical person so all the way through our talking and chilling session thing we had going on she was sat on my lap and hugging me etc. When everyone left we somehow got to talking about relationships and me being a virgin and her not having sex for 10 weeks and she said "I'm so fucking horny!" To which I reply "Well there's not much I can do about that." To which SHE replies "You could if you wanted to" To which I sorta bug out and say "I wouldn't even know what to do even if I did get to be with a girl". Now I may have missed out everything that happened that day because I can't remember everything but I know she was coming on to me so badly, linking that in with the fact she hadn't fucked anyone in 10 weeks I knew she was desperate.
Looking back on it, it kinda makes me a little sad that someone has to be that desperate to come on to me. Then there's another awkward moment in college which I will now tell you all! My non existent readers y'know I mentioned Andy that girl who dresses up as guy but is kinda hot? Well she too came on to me and sometimes still kinda does. Long story short I owe her and her friend a french kiss. Now as I've said before I've never kissed a girl so they'll have to wait a long time to get that kiss as I'm not giving my first kiss to someone who doesn't actually wanna be with me. Andy and Alice are in open relationships which for all of you who don't know basically means they have a gf/bf but it's not exclusive meaning they can fuck pretty much anyone they want and they'll still be with their bf/gf.
Marc with a C! Marc is my form tutor like my home room teacher for all you Americans. He also teaches some of my Health and Social care lessons and he my friends is a fucking legend! He's gota be the most understanding teacher I have ever had the pleasure to be taught by. He previously did a lot of work in psychiatric wards in hospitals so he's really understanding and helpful. I respect him a shit ton but not much of the class share my respect for him which kinda sucks because he's a really nice guy. But most of my class seem to be in this class because they thought Health and Social care was gunna be a breeze. Oh well moving on.
Mark with a K! Mark is the only other guy in my Health and Social care class, He's about 6'2 ish, skinny short brown hair which he's now died blue/black, kinda wonky teeth and he too is a good guy. We hung out a lot in college as we kinda had to stick together. But as the weeks went by we both branched out a bit, him more than me I'd say but meh.
Louise Young: Little bit chubby, talkative, opinionated and overal a nice gal. She doesn't seem to be afraid of much and we talked quiet a bit at college as we sat pretty near each other and unlike me she's not too scard of talking to people. She hangs around with Anna Marrie, a busty, black haired shy girl who I sometimes talk to in English. Louise has a lot more friends in college than I do as the college is right next to her old school so most of the people from her old school go to my college. Lucky cow.
Okay so, so far it just seems I'm kinda bitching and taking really superficial stances on people, but honestly I bet none of you can say you don't think like that at least once a day. Plus this is my blog I can write whatever I want XD, anyway they're just a few people I've met in college that are pretty cool, there are many more I haven't mentioned because I really can't be arsed to write a 10000000000000000 word essay.
BANDS! Yes I can kinda play guitar and yes I am trying to get a band together so far I only have me and my friend Alex Bamford who lets face it, can't play guitar to save his life. But nevertheless I'm helping him out because I have no one else to work with and I think it will be a learning experience for the both of us. Now there's a few things you need to know about Alex, so here goes. 1: Alex is spoilt rotten, he has a £250 Jackson V, a 40 watt Vox amp, a £1000 Mac book and he wants fucking everything. 2: Alex is stubborn as a rock, it's hard to persuade him to do something unless you phrase it in such a way he thinks it's either cool or he'll gain the most from it. So yeah I'm Singing and playing guitar and Alex is also playing guitar. I'm trying to get him to do simple songs because 1: I have to sing them as well as carry Alex through the song and 2: It'll help him build his self esteem and let him progress through guitar easier. Alex wants to do songs I've never heard of so that's never good so I'm sticking to getting us to play SEEK AND DESTROY by METALLICA.
I get depressed a lot as you may know by now, and College isn't sunshine a lollypops all the time. I remember one day I got so tense about homework that I scratched my neck so much it looked like a huge hickey. Like a monster hicky. Not cool. I've cried, laughed my ass off, and sighed with relief so far. My Grandpop Jim is dying of terminal cancer, My Grandad Eric has a brain tumor and has seizures and heart attacks, my little brother Leo is forever in and out of hospital with his iron deficiency, Vitamin A deficiency, hyper beta carotene anemia and a leaky aortic heat valve. On top of all that my mother is fucking a married man and then there's me in college trying to have a social life and get good ish grades. I'm in Half term holidays now and have been since last Friday and I gota say College is fucking MANIC man I wonder what the next term will hold for me. I kinda miss it as I feel like no one wants to see me outside college, seriously no one does I swear. Anyway I'm kinda bored of writing stuff now. I really hope no one I know reads this. It's messy, unbalanced and by far does not show my full opinion of everything and everyone. If you do happen to read this don't take it personal if you really want my full opinion on you come ask me and I'll give some thought and tell you. Bleh I feel bad about writing all this now but I thought almost obligated to update this blog and I wanted to get some shit off my chest to an extent I guess. Plus I needed something to do.
Anyway until next time my friends take care and D.F.T.B.A.
First up is college! It's been very....Interesting to say the least. Girls girls and more girls everywhere I frigging look and most of them are taken and snogging they're bf/gf infront of everyone. It's kinda sick the way they play tonsil tennis in such a public place although if I had someone to do that with I'd do as much as possible XD, anyway I'm one of two guys in my Health and Social care class so that always raises your chances a bit. Tons of assignments and not much time to goof off although because I'm me I somehow find a way to not do any work in class and somehow manage to get average grades. I guess if I actually did more in lessons I'd probably get really good grades but I'm a lazy shit and as I've said before I'd like some kinda social life.
So we have Alice, She's a sorta rebel, emo, punk, sexy, smart ass with blue hair, previously red that likes to wear bandanas and who doesn't show up to lessons as much as everyone else but is super frigging smart. She has tons of friends in the college so the only real time I get to talk to her is when we're in lesson. I have a feeling I could have fucked her in the toilets one time though, let me explain! I guess from the previous posts and by reading this one so far you must think I'm a right little shit who would fuck a chicken if he was paid to, trust me that's really not the case. I'm like the most innocent guy you'll ever meet; never even kissed a girl before anyway! Getting back to the story, Me, my friend Harry Reed, Andy Tylers (Girl who wants to be a guy but is actually kinda hot), and some other guy I don't know the name of but he's kinda nerdy so lets call him Melvin were all in the English block after college had ended just chilling and eventually people had to go leaving me and Alice alone. Alice from what I can tell is a very huggy, physical person so all the way through our talking and chilling session thing we had going on she was sat on my lap and hugging me etc. When everyone left we somehow got to talking about relationships and me being a virgin and her not having sex for 10 weeks and she said "I'm so fucking horny!" To which I reply "Well there's not much I can do about that." To which SHE replies "You could if you wanted to" To which I sorta bug out and say "I wouldn't even know what to do even if I did get to be with a girl". Now I may have missed out everything that happened that day because I can't remember everything but I know she was coming on to me so badly, linking that in with the fact she hadn't fucked anyone in 10 weeks I knew she was desperate.
Looking back on it, it kinda makes me a little sad that someone has to be that desperate to come on to me. Then there's another awkward moment in college which I will now tell you all! My non existent readers y'know I mentioned Andy that girl who dresses up as guy but is kinda hot? Well she too came on to me and sometimes still kinda does. Long story short I owe her and her friend a french kiss. Now as I've said before I've never kissed a girl so they'll have to wait a long time to get that kiss as I'm not giving my first kiss to someone who doesn't actually wanna be with me. Andy and Alice are in open relationships which for all of you who don't know basically means they have a gf/bf but it's not exclusive meaning they can fuck pretty much anyone they want and they'll still be with their bf/gf.
Marc with a C! Marc is my form tutor like my home room teacher for all you Americans. He also teaches some of my Health and Social care lessons and he my friends is a fucking legend! He's gota be the most understanding teacher I have ever had the pleasure to be taught by. He previously did a lot of work in psychiatric wards in hospitals so he's really understanding and helpful. I respect him a shit ton but not much of the class share my respect for him which kinda sucks because he's a really nice guy. But most of my class seem to be in this class because they thought Health and Social care was gunna be a breeze. Oh well moving on.
Mark with a K! Mark is the only other guy in my Health and Social care class, He's about 6'2 ish, skinny short brown hair which he's now died blue/black, kinda wonky teeth and he too is a good guy. We hung out a lot in college as we kinda had to stick together. But as the weeks went by we both branched out a bit, him more than me I'd say but meh.
Louise Young: Little bit chubby, talkative, opinionated and overal a nice gal. She doesn't seem to be afraid of much and we talked quiet a bit at college as we sat pretty near each other and unlike me she's not too scard of talking to people. She hangs around with Anna Marrie, a busty, black haired shy girl who I sometimes talk to in English. Louise has a lot more friends in college than I do as the college is right next to her old school so most of the people from her old school go to my college. Lucky cow.
Okay so, so far it just seems I'm kinda bitching and taking really superficial stances on people, but honestly I bet none of you can say you don't think like that at least once a day. Plus this is my blog I can write whatever I want XD, anyway they're just a few people I've met in college that are pretty cool, there are many more I haven't mentioned because I really can't be arsed to write a 10000000000000000 word essay.
BANDS! Yes I can kinda play guitar and yes I am trying to get a band together so far I only have me and my friend Alex Bamford who lets face it, can't play guitar to save his life. But nevertheless I'm helping him out because I have no one else to work with and I think it will be a learning experience for the both of us. Now there's a few things you need to know about Alex, so here goes. 1: Alex is spoilt rotten, he has a £250 Jackson V, a 40 watt Vox amp, a £1000 Mac book and he wants fucking everything. 2: Alex is stubborn as a rock, it's hard to persuade him to do something unless you phrase it in such a way he thinks it's either cool or he'll gain the most from it. So yeah I'm Singing and playing guitar and Alex is also playing guitar. I'm trying to get him to do simple songs because 1: I have to sing them as well as carry Alex through the song and 2: It'll help him build his self esteem and let him progress through guitar easier. Alex wants to do songs I've never heard of so that's never good so I'm sticking to getting us to play SEEK AND DESTROY by METALLICA.
I get depressed a lot as you may know by now, and College isn't sunshine a lollypops all the time. I remember one day I got so tense about homework that I scratched my neck so much it looked like a huge hickey. Like a monster hicky. Not cool. I've cried, laughed my ass off, and sighed with relief so far. My Grandpop Jim is dying of terminal cancer, My Grandad Eric has a brain tumor and has seizures and heart attacks, my little brother Leo is forever in and out of hospital with his iron deficiency, Vitamin A deficiency, hyper beta carotene anemia and a leaky aortic heat valve. On top of all that my mother is fucking a married man and then there's me in college trying to have a social life and get good ish grades. I'm in Half term holidays now and have been since last Friday and I gota say College is fucking MANIC man I wonder what the next term will hold for me. I kinda miss it as I feel like no one wants to see me outside college, seriously no one does I swear. Anyway I'm kinda bored of writing stuff now. I really hope no one I know reads this. It's messy, unbalanced and by far does not show my full opinion of everything and everyone. If you do happen to read this don't take it personal if you really want my full opinion on you come ask me and I'll give some thought and tell you. Bleh I feel bad about writing all this now but I thought almost obligated to update this blog and I wanted to get some shit off my chest to an extent I guess. Plus I needed something to do.
Anyway until next time my friends take care and D.F.T.B.A.
Saturday, 8 September 2012
I hate weekends.
Like the title says I hate weekends. They suck because I have friends supposedly but not outside school/college. It's like if I'm not at college I suddenly don't exist, I know I've only been at college a day but I had friends before that and it's the same. End of Fridays suck because it's just everything telling you the two most boring days of your week are coming up and you're gunna frigging hate them.
Today I went to see my Grandpop and Nan, now don't get me wrong I like seeing them for a few hours but I'm 16 and going to be 17 in December I'd like to have some kinda social life. But here I am sitting typing away at a blog no one reads.
I think I'm one of few people who actually enjoys going to college and hates the weekends. Do I even matter? Like sometimes I think people don't even need faces because We're all unimportant but I feel way more unimportant. This probably just sounds like a teenager having a moan but seriously school sucked for me, nothing but bullys and anti depressants and college is so amazing! I just wish I could do it more because at least there I have a few friends even if they don't want anything to do with me on weekends. I hate weekends so much, the only good thing about Saturday night is new Doctor who and the only thing good about Sunday night is knowing I get to do something fun the next day.
Everyone else seems so frigging happy all the time, how do they do that? I mean everyone I know has a boyfriend or girlfriend and I'm 16 not exactly ugly I mean fair enough I need to put a bit of weight on but it's not like I don't eat much I mean I eat like a frigging dinosaur and yet I don't put any weight on at all. My personality isn't bad it may look bad right now but in college I'm not as pissed off and depressed.
Everyone has their love but where the hell is mine? Did the person who gives out love to girls just sorta skip out on letting any girl ever liking me? I WANT FRIENDS! I WANT A GIRLFRIEND! I know it sounds like I just want something to do and someone to do it with and uh someone to do but I want real friends. The ones who will be there for you and no I don't mean the show stupid. I mean people who will be there when you need it the most. I want a real girlfriend too someone who'll care for me as much as I'd care for them. Life just isn't fun on the weekends I know it can't always be fun but wow this sucks, I get way too much time to over think things.
Oh well I guess I'll end this post now. Sorry for bad punctuation and spelling etc I'm not really in the mood to be remotely good at English right now not that I'm good at it anyway. Take care non existent readers I hope you have more of a social life then me and D.F.T.B.A.
Today I went to see my Grandpop and Nan, now don't get me wrong I like seeing them for a few hours but I'm 16 and going to be 17 in December I'd like to have some kinda social life. But here I am sitting typing away at a blog no one reads.
I think I'm one of few people who actually enjoys going to college and hates the weekends. Do I even matter? Like sometimes I think people don't even need faces because We're all unimportant but I feel way more unimportant. This probably just sounds like a teenager having a moan but seriously school sucked for me, nothing but bullys and anti depressants and college is so amazing! I just wish I could do it more because at least there I have a few friends even if they don't want anything to do with me on weekends. I hate weekends so much, the only good thing about Saturday night is new Doctor who and the only thing good about Sunday night is knowing I get to do something fun the next day.
Everyone else seems so frigging happy all the time, how do they do that? I mean everyone I know has a boyfriend or girlfriend and I'm 16 not exactly ugly I mean fair enough I need to put a bit of weight on but it's not like I don't eat much I mean I eat like a frigging dinosaur and yet I don't put any weight on at all. My personality isn't bad it may look bad right now but in college I'm not as pissed off and depressed.
Everyone has their love but where the hell is mine? Did the person who gives out love to girls just sorta skip out on letting any girl ever liking me? I WANT FRIENDS! I WANT A GIRLFRIEND! I know it sounds like I just want something to do and someone to do it with and uh someone to do but I want real friends. The ones who will be there for you and no I don't mean the show stupid. I mean people who will be there when you need it the most. I want a real girlfriend too someone who'll care for me as much as I'd care for them. Life just isn't fun on the weekends I know it can't always be fun but wow this sucks, I get way too much time to over think things.
Oh well I guess I'll end this post now. Sorry for bad punctuation and spelling etc I'm not really in the mood to be remotely good at English right now not that I'm good at it anyway. Take care non existent readers I hope you have more of a social life then me and D.F.T.B.A.
Friday, 7 September 2012
First day of college.
So today I started my fist day of college and it was amazingly fun! I met a lot of people and I can't remember any of their names at all and I feel bad about that but I've never had a good memory.
I remember this one girl though, her name is Alice and she's frigging crazy but she's awesome. I don't know how but she kinda knew I wasn't comfortable and she stayed with me the whole day, she's into anime and we like the same kinda music so it's pretty good. She also uses a lot of drugs which kinda sucks but it's not really my place to say anything I mean I've only known her a day. Anyway it must sound like I'm crushing on her which I'm totally not I'm just not used to having that kinda attention in "real life" it's nice but when I came home I just feel bored and alone I wish I had more friends to go out and do stuff with.
All my classes are good though and my home room teacher is awesome his name is Marc and he's also new to the college so he's sorta learning like everyone else. Well I guess everyone is all the time but y'know what I mean non existent readers. I'm tired and wishing the weekend was over so I can go back to college because it may sound weird but I like it better than home, I mean yes you have to do work but the people around you and just how it is feels nicer and better than home. Home is stressful and not fun most of the time and it's nice to get away from it.
I'm going to buy an MP3 player today and eventually get some more CDs so I can put the music I want on it and I'll take it to college and if no one's around I can just listen to music.
Anyway I feel drained, tired and I'm not sure what to write now so I guess this is it for today. Take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
I remember this one girl though, her name is Alice and she's frigging crazy but she's awesome. I don't know how but she kinda knew I wasn't comfortable and she stayed with me the whole day, she's into anime and we like the same kinda music so it's pretty good. She also uses a lot of drugs which kinda sucks but it's not really my place to say anything I mean I've only known her a day. Anyway it must sound like I'm crushing on her which I'm totally not I'm just not used to having that kinda attention in "real life" it's nice but when I came home I just feel bored and alone I wish I had more friends to go out and do stuff with.
All my classes are good though and my home room teacher is awesome his name is Marc and he's also new to the college so he's sorta learning like everyone else. Well I guess everyone is all the time but y'know what I mean non existent readers. I'm tired and wishing the weekend was over so I can go back to college because it may sound weird but I like it better than home, I mean yes you have to do work but the people around you and just how it is feels nicer and better than home. Home is stressful and not fun most of the time and it's nice to get away from it.
I'm going to buy an MP3 player today and eventually get some more CDs so I can put the music I want on it and I'll take it to college and if no one's around I can just listen to music.
Anyway I feel drained, tired and I'm not sure what to write now so I guess this is it for today. Take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
Thursday, 6 September 2012
Hit the lights! (Metallica version XD)
Okay so I've never been great at writting but seeing as no one is going to read this I'll be fine.
My name is Peter David Wernham, I live in Hampshire England and tomorrow I start my first day in college and no I mean the British version not the American version but again no one is going to read this so bleh. I'm 16 years old and mainly this blog is for me to just write how I feel about stuff mostly just bitching I suppose. This post will probably be kinda small but I'll be posting another one tomorrow after my first day. As you can see by the post title I'm a fan of good music, I listen to Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Guns N Roses, Queen, Disturbed, System of a down, Green day, Bowling for soup, Staind, Muse and some others I can't think of, anyway that's it for now I guess take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
My name is Peter David Wernham, I live in Hampshire England and tomorrow I start my first day in college and no I mean the British version not the American version but again no one is going to read this so bleh. I'm 16 years old and mainly this blog is for me to just write how I feel about stuff mostly just bitching I suppose. This post will probably be kinda small but I'll be posting another one tomorrow after my first day. As you can see by the post title I'm a fan of good music, I listen to Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Guns N Roses, Queen, Disturbed, System of a down, Green day, Bowling for soup, Staind, Muse and some others I can't think of, anyway that's it for now I guess take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.
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