Well..

Well fuck me it certainly has been a while huh.
So what's been going on? Obviously I don't remember every detail but here's a little summary type thing. So Christmas was nice I suppose, me Mum, sis and little brother went to see Grandpops Christmas day so and it was okay. I didn't get a lot, mostly money and then I got drunk alot. Right up until around the 27th then I ill. Thinking back on it the alcohol probably hand some hand in making me ill but it really wasn't nice at all. I was sick from the 27th right up until the end of the first week or January. Happy new year right? College continued as badly as I probably could. Alice got a new boyfriend called Greg, Mark and Megan had little tiffs here and there, Jemma continues to be a slut! Few people in class having verbal fights but nothing really worth mentioning. I'm behind in my coursework, Grandpop probably won't make it to my little brother's birthday and I had my Maths exam today and I gota say it went pretty good. I don't have to come back to maths now until next college year if I even manage to make it back. Like I said I'm behind in my coursework so yeah I probably should get my arse in gear but instead I'm updating my nonexistent readers. Still wish teachers would do their fucking jobs! Like Corrine, I'm sure I've gone over her before. She doesn't help she just criticizes and then there's Rosemary. I don't dislike her as such I just wish she'd go over things in more detail and just overall TAKE HER FUCKING TIME! Marc continues to be a fucking legend though = D

Me and Andy got together in one of the half term holidays and quickly ended so that was a bit meh. It was nice I suppose but her mum is a total bitch and I couldn't help but feel I was putting in the most effort. I also couldn't shake the fact I was basically sharing her with Jackie. I have nothing bad to say about Jackie, she's a lovely girl but yeah I don't share. I guess I wouldn't say no to a girlfriend at the moment, or at least some kinda person I can just flop on if that makes any sense. Just sorta let myself go in front of.  I couldn't go back to Andy though, too many things wrong with it and I can't be arsed to fix everything and I couldn't do it on my own anyway because relationships take two people not one! xD I think I'm giving off the wrong idea though, I don't want to get back with her.

Anyway! Cider or Cidre is nice! I also tried weed with none other than my own mother. xD Yeah well she's not a druggy it was a one time thing, for her at least I hope. Well at least until all the weed is gone. It's not a lot though just like around a finger nail's amount of it left.

I suppose this isn't much of an update huh but it's something and it's not like anyone reads this huh. I've been feeling up and down a lot I suppose and opinions of people change in a heartbeat huh! Like this one girl I know Aly. I used to see her as a smart, sensible, down to earth girl but recently I suppose, at least in my eyes she's changed a bit which kinda sucks. She just seems a bit up herself and flirty with guys who both her and everyone else knows are pricks. She even bunked a lesson today which surprised me but oh well it's her life I guess.

If by some fluke I manage to get back into college next year I hope the new first years are cool and obviously I hope there's a lovely girl that gets me! xD
If anyone's out there who reads this feel free to comment as always it would be nice to get an opinion.I really don't know what to think of this post. Also if people read this they could tell me if there's anything they want me to go over in detail. 

Well yeah I'm bored and probably should be doing coursework so I'm going to end this post here and procrastinate until it's time for bed. Goodnight everyone, take care and D.F.T.B.A.

23rd of December

Well college ended for the year this past Friday and I got be honest, I'm not feeling in the mood for Christmas. It's too materialistic and it brings people together for the wrong reasons; I'm not saying I don't enjoy getting new things but it shouldn't be why everyone comes together. Everyone at college is overly excited about it and it's kinda annoying. Giving out Christmas cards is something I don't do anymore as I don't see the point in sending people I hardly know crap they don't need or appreciate and it works more or less the same way when I am given a Christmas card. Most people just give them out to everyone they know and to me that doesn't mean a thing. I am a little more thankful to the people who actually really know me sending me Christmas card and looking back on it maybe I should send them a card but then again they already know how I feel and I don't think they need anything physical from me to let them know I care, I can quite easily say "Have a good Christmas" I don't think I need to give them a card.

So other than Christmas fever what's been happening at college? I've been falling behind with my assignments, getting nowhere with girls, trying not to rip my hair out while sorting out my "band" and feeling overall a bit shit. As I've said, I'm on break now but since then I haven't even talked to anyone at all. Maybe I'm jumping the gun and people will start talking to me after Christmas but still I feel a bit neglected. My Mothers relationship with a married man went down the shitter again today but I'm sure he'll be back eventually, my Mum is a bit too soft sometimes. Every single guy that's walked through our door I've judging correctly and this guy is no different; and yet my Mum insists on being stupid about it. Oh yeah! Last Saturday I got really down and got really drunk, threw up, fell over in my sick and lied there for a few hours before getting into a bath my Mum had so kindly drawn for me, washed myself and went to bed; the following day I felt like crap. Let that be a lesson to you kiddies, alcohol is bad and should only be drank by me because no one cares what I do XD.

Christmas day is gunna be funny as fuck and awful at the same time. Like every Christmas we're going to my Grandpop's house which isn't really a big deal as we always do that; what makes it a big deal THIS year is that my Aunt and her family are coming down also. Now, my Mum isn't the smartest women on the planet as you may have guessed by now and my Aunt knows this. I guess you could just say that's how sisters are but my Mum doesn't like going there when she's there because she just can't take her older sister being mean to her, and I can somewhat understand that as I have an older brother also and he can be a prick too. Mum says we're only staying there for 2 hours and then we're going home.
 This Christmas is probably going to be my Grandpops last Christmas so I'm hoping it's going to be a nice one although I can see some kinda fight.

It's 19:17pm or 7:17pm right now as I write this sentence and surprisingly I'm not finding it hard to get to sleep as Christmas comes closer. I find it hard anyway but I thought I'd find it a little harder but maybe because Christmas is so shit for me I can't be arsed to be excited.

As always I wish someone would read this, it would be nice for some feedback although as I've probably said before the feedback would probably be a little unhelpful as I only really use this to bitch.

Anyway I can't think of anything else to write so Take care, D.F.T.B.A and have a good holiday non existent readers.  

I hate Mondays.

I say I hate Mondays a lot. Each and every time they come around I say it at least once.

Mondays are the start of the week so normally I wake up a little tired and not used to waking up so early. The day goes on I find it hard to wake up and have a smile on my face, then teachers yell at me, I have a massive free period which unless I go to my Grandpops is spent feeling really awkwardly and out of place. "You'll get a bunch of amazing new friends at college" they said. And I don't disagree but I don't agree. They're only my friend when they want to be. After college I take the bus home and then walk to my house. The walk to my house hurts my legs but it seems to be pleasant. I get home and if Mum's home she's either lazing about the house, about to go out or cooking dinner. If she's not home she's either taking my sister to her extra classes for the fucking idiots or she's catering to our horse.

After dinner I sit at the computer and wait for kinda social activity, I keep my phone right next to me but as normal it doesn't go off. Eventually I contemplate doing homework and that normally doesn't happen, if it does happen I spend all night doing it and wake up in a shitty mood the next day due to lack of sleep. When I finally do go to bed I actually find it hard to sleep. Although there's no physical pain I feel that a huge weight on throbbing on my head. If I had to describe the sound it would be a very heavy thick one toned bass, constantly holding one note.

Mondays normally suck for me. This Monday brought me being ignored once again by Andy, finding out that Alice is gunna end up with some chavy looking guy who someone in my Health and Social care class set her up with, I'm not sure why but it sorta bugs me. I don't have any kind of love feeling for her I guess it's because they were openly talking about the size of his penis.  I don't really feel much for Andy either, maybe I'm saying that because she's kinda pissed me off, I feel sorta screwed over because she was my first kiss and now she's ignoring me. Oh well, Mondays suck end of story.

On a slightly brighter note, I'll be going to live music on Wednesday with Harry Millard and Alex Bamford. For those of you who don't know what that is it's pretty much a bunch of people who get together and jam around. It's at the college and it should be funny watching Alex attempt to play.

Anyway, Mondays suck, I'm going to bed, take care and D.F.T.B.A.

Saturday stuff.

Well it's Saturday and guess what I'm doing over this weekend. Yep as always it seems like I suddenly don't exist. However, I was asked if I wanted to go out with Louise and a bunch of her friends but the last time I did that I had to pay £6 to get into a shitty fireworks display with a crap band, feel out of place, freezing my balls off and get a muddy ass so no I didn't wanna go out with those people today. I guess that sorta was my chance to do something this weekend but still, the outcome would've been the same.

I'm bored, listening to music, right now it's Catcher in the rye by Guns N Roses. The thought of writing a book comes into mind sometimes, about 4 people who grow up together and change, have fights, makes friends and eventually they all lose everything and commit suicide in various ways. Like one would drive his car into something explosive, one would shoot himself in his bedroom and I'm not sure about the other two. Maybe one moves away and the other does something else I dunno. Oh! Maybe one gets shot by people because he gets too involved in drugs?

Honestly though, if I had a gun it life would be so much easier. I wish I was smarter but nope, I'm an idiot and if anyone reads this they'd agree.

I'm totally being used oh, and I really should be doing homework right now but I honestly can't be fucked. Like what's the point? I know all the stuff they talk about in class, more or less. I don't get why we get practically brainwashed from birth about how we have to succeed in school and grades are the most important thing in the world and you have to be socially accepted etc. I can understand our parents giving us the basics like stay away from drugs and pedophiles etc but any further than that is stupid unless we ask for help but then again if we're small and stupid of course we're going to ask for help. Oh a little off topic I.R.S by Guns N Roses is a fucking amazing song. I hate how assholes somehow become successful and people like me, real people get shat on. Now reading all my other posts I probably don't come across as such a good guy, but I really do fucking try.

We had a two minute silence at college on Friday for Remembrance day, not to sound mean but I doubt many people actually give a fuck. People don't care about what our older relatives did to stop evil. And even then it depends on what you mean by evil. To some people what Hitler wanted to do was good. Anyway I can understand Teachers and parents wanting to get the message of respect in our heads but half the people in this world are way to fucking stupid and bratty. I hate this place with a passion, and I'm just as bad as everyone else. Sure I can bitch about how bad this place but that's not part of the solution at all. I'd rather kill myself than live in this shithole of a world. No infact shithole is giving Earth way too much credit.

I can do my best to be nice, polite and try to fit in but if I don't somehow it's my fault? Maybe it is but it's not just my fault, give me a fucking chance? Nah even teachers are like that, the people we're supposed to look up at, the people teaching the next generation can be total pricks. They don't teach everyone in their class, they teach the majority and leave the stragglers to the vultures of depression and misery, hopelessness and hurt. Just take my Health and Social care teacher Corrine, She is fucking shit teacher. Oh I know I should respect the fact she's been teaching for so long and such but it's one rule for one person and another for a better person. For me at least she's not part of the solution she part of the problem. Then there's one of my English teachers of whom I don't the name of and I don't care to learn it. She used to be a body builder or some kinda athletic cow. Anyway her views on people are just so fucking insensitive and wrong, like HOW THE FUCK DID SHE BECOME A TEACHER?! She's about as sensitive as a brick.

This world depresses me to the point I write a shitty blog no one reads. I'm part of the problem and the way I see it I can be part of the solution if I grow some balls.

Looking back on what I've written I don't think anyone would see it the way I see it. They'd probably just think I'm a moody teenager throwing a fit and maybe that's true I dunno but right now this is how I feel.

I'd love to get a bass guitar and huge ass amp and something to make it sound evil and a little fuzzy, I guess that would be a distortion pedal? I dunno but anyway I'd just sit there hitting long drone-y notes.

Okay well I'm bored of writing, if anyone actually reads this please comment or something I'd love to hear from you, even if you're just here to bitch at me.

Well take care and D.F.T.B.A.

 

More stuff.

Well it's certainly been an interesting week my non existent readers. I got my first ever kiss this week yeah seriously, my first ever! It happened on Tuesday right at the end of college, bet you're wondering who it is huh? It was Andy. Yeah I've mentioned her before. Anyway college as always has given me too much homework. I'm fed up with it and what kinda makes stuff worse is I think Andy is ignoring me. We went out on Wednesday with her uh I'm not really sure what to call her but we went out with Jakki and I think that's probably what messed it up. I guess it just didn't go well and we haven't really talked since Wednesday. I hope something happens but Alice told me she has some kinda personality disorder but the "real her" likes me so I guess that's good right? But I'm still kinda hesitant as she's in an open relationship with Jakki. So does that mean she's just getting her thrills from me and moving on or what? I hope not, she's really cute and we get along okay I guess. I dunno anyway Wednesday I went into college and me and my buddy Harry Millard had a little jam, we played the blues and 2 people came over and asked if they could listen to us play! XD I know it's only 2 people but that was amazing! I REALLY! Wanna play on stage, like playing a fucking amazing show would be so kick ass! Like get the crowd involved when I can, Seek and Destroy, Master of Puppets, Creeping Death, Tornado of souls, I believe in a thing called love, Toxicity etc. ANYTHING AWESOME! I just wanna get that buzz I get from watching the greats play live. I want the crowd to fucking love it and feel good y'know? It just looks so fun! Anyway it's Friday night and I don't really have any plans except for maybe Sunday? I might be jamming with Harry but I'm not sure what's going on.
Anyway! I don't really have much else to say, I'm rather buzzy right now, I've been listening to Metallica Live in Seattle 1989, SO FUCKING AMAZING! 

Take care and D.F.T.B.A.

I don't even know what this is, I guess it's a rant?

So I got drunk this past Tuesday and I found out that Alice liked me and I sorta blew my chance I guess. Oh well it's not like I'd know what to do even we were to date. I'm useless honestly. I'm not sure what to write honestly, I'm just a little pissed off with the world. Nothing to do, no one to talk to and I feel unwanted. I help people out when I can or at least I try to and I get sweet nothing back. I'm not saying I help out so I can get something back I'm just saying it'd be nice once in a while to get some appreciation and acknowledgement.

I'm a little pissed off that somehow even though I practice every day I seem to be getting worse at playing my guitar. My hand hurts when I do Spider chords now which for you people who have no idea what I mean when I say that just Youtube Dave Mustaine spider chords and you'll see what I mean, don't get the wrong idea I'm not new to doing spider chords, they used to hurt when I first started doing them but you get used to it. Simple riffs and chords hurt my fretting hand for some reason. Maybe I'm practicing too much? I don't think I am, it's not like I'm really hitting it hard I'm just doing my normal stuff. 

I just wanna fucking scream! Not in a girly slasher movie way, in a sorta the way Tom Araya shouts everything he sings, just take the song Disciple by Slayer. I'm just fed up with everything. Bleh on top of my struggles I somehow have, I have to think about my assignments I have due on Monday.

Oh and I was supposed to see my psychiatrist this coming Tuesday but she canceled that so fuck you, you stupid bitch just fuck you. I'm finding it hard getting to sleep at night, my feet get cold as my quilt is just a little bit too small? Or maybe I'm just too tall. I am at least 6 foot tall. I resorted to climbing into a sleeping bag and putting my quilt on top of that.

When is life going to get good for me? I have no idea what to write now so I guess that's it for now. Not sure what I'll do after posting this, maybe go to bed? I dunno.

I wish someone would read this, as I've said before just for advise.
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.

Random things because I'm bored.

So my little Brother is up stairs playing on his Nintendo Game cube and my Sister and Mum are out riding the horse, yes I have a horse. I have quiet a few animals actually, I have 3 dogs Rosie is a Staffordshire Bull terrier and she's MY bitch. Charlie is a blue merle Collie and she's my Mums dog. Teddy is a weird cross breed I think he's part Westhighland terrier and some other dog but he was one of our first ever dogs. Our first dog was Sam who, like Rosie was a staff but also crossed with a Labrador and he always slept at the end of my bed. I loved Same so frigging much, I was heartbroken when he died. I came home from school to be told he had a heart attack and he's dead. Really sucked but anyway we also have 2 cats, Jess and Molly. Molly's been with us since before I was born just like Sam. She's black, white and brown and she's uber skinny. It's not like we don't feed her, she eats tons she's just old I guess and she also has a heart murmur. Jess is a more independent cat, we don't see her every day as she likes to explore the world. She's pitch black with green eyes and she's pretty evil. She's defiantly one to hold a grudge; one time she was accidentally stood on by my Mum but she didn't do anything right away she simply waited until my Mum was using the toilet and stupid Mum didn't lock the toilet door so Jess opened it and attacked Mum, it was fucking hilarious. As you know by reading this I also have a horse called Millie. She's pretty tall somewhere around 15 to 16 hands for you horsy people. I don't really do much with her she's more my Mums and Sisters pet than anyone elses. Then there's Gromit he's actually a Rabbit so yeah not a dog but he's my Rabbit. He's brown with floppy ears and he's a pretty dang big Rabbit.
 I suppose that's it for pets, I've had all kinda of Dogs in my house over the years as my mum used to foster animals so we've had Cats, Dogs, Guinea Pigs, Rats etc.

Anyway getting on to other things, trying to find the right guitar to buy is a pain in the ass. Most of the time they're cheaper online but buying online can be a bit of a pain because you can't play and inspect the guitar before you buy it. Then there's the kind of music you want to play on that guitar and a little bit less of a point how you look with that guitar. That £250 Jackson Alex has does not suit him one bit at all. It's a little bit of a pain in the arse not to mention I don't have an acoustic so I kinda need to get one because you can't just have an electric all your life XD. Plus there's money. Money comes into everything and I hate it because I either never have enough or not have any.

I need a girlfriend. Come on everyone it wouldn't be a blog post by Pete if I didn't mention girls or sex or anything related to it. I swear it's impossible for me to find anyone though as I've said before and as a 16 going on 17 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl it's on my mind a lot as I kinda feel not normal and I know you're probably thinking "why would you wanna be normal?" well I don't wanna be normal with everything I just wanna fit in socially and as a teenager the subject of sex comes up a lot.

I do wonder what peoples reactions would be if they read this though XD. I can't imagine people from college being happy about it. Don't think I'm an asshole, I wouldn't be doing the classes I do if I were an asshole and it's impossible for me to write every little thing into this blog and I did say this blog would be kinda bitchy. I say to myself in my head a lot "I'll never refuse to help someone" but that doesn't mean I'll help someone hurt someone else or anything it just means for example if I see a person crying in public on there own I'd go over to them and try to help. I like helping people it's kinda who what I do. I rarely get help back though, I guess maybe I'm too generous? That kinda makes sense I guess whenever someone needs a few pounds I'll help out like for example a couple of Fridays ago a guy called Joey needed £3 for the buss so I gave him £3 and he made a really big deal of thanking me and saying he'd pay me back. I bet you can guess what I'm about to write, YEP! He still hasn't payed me back and I don't really care all that much. It wasn't the first time I've lent money out and never got it back. In fact I've given a fair amount of money out to be people at college and never gotten anything back. To be fair a few times I've told them not to pay me back if it's been something like 20p or something but still my point is I'm a giver and I hardly ever receive anything back.  Still I'll carry on helping when I can and continue to get nothing in return and occasionally disrespected after.

I should be buying myself new clothes soon, I only have two pairs of trousers and one pair of shorts. Even so the fact I have money and I'm spending it on myself makes me feel somewhat guilty. Christmas is coming up and I always get yelled at by my Dad for not getting anyone anything for Christmas. I don't have a job, I don't always get money and when I do I don't get to spend it on things I actually want I have to spend them on things I need like clothes and I apparently have to spend my money on everyone else. What's the point in giving me Birthday money if I have to spend on other peoples birthdays and I don't get to spend it on myself at all. It sucks that my Birthday is on the 29th of December yes 4 days after Christmas. Everyone cheeps out on me by giving me presents on Christmas and saying they're "birthday and Christmas presents" or when my birthday comes around they say things like "You got a lot for Christmas"  and after all that if I do get birthday money then I end up spending it on shit I kinda don't wanna buy but have to. 

I wish I was rich. Maybe I should enter the lottery for the first time ever, I doubt I'll get anything from it but meh. No one ever got anything by wishing for it I guess, I have actually do something about it. I am getting or at least trying to get qualifications so the rest of my life won't be so shit and I can do what I WANT TO DO!

I kinda wish someone would read this and give me some kind of feedback. I know my spelling and Grammar is pretty bad but that's not what I mean, I wish someone would give me advise on my life XD. I wouldn't want it to be someone I actually know unless I actually respect them. Then again I suppose their advise wouldn't be great as this blog doesn't show every inch of me, it just shows I'm a horny idiot who complains waaaaay too much.

Oh well I guess I'm done writing for now.
Take care non existent readers and D.F.T.B.A.