I hate Mondays.

I say I hate Mondays a lot. Each and every time they come around I say it at least once.

Mondays are the start of the week so normally I wake up a little tired and not used to waking up so early. The day goes on I find it hard to wake up and have a smile on my face, then teachers yell at me, I have a massive free period which unless I go to my Grandpops is spent feeling really awkwardly and out of place. "You'll get a bunch of amazing new friends at college" they said. And I don't disagree but I don't agree. They're only my friend when they want to be. After college I take the bus home and then walk to my house. The walk to my house hurts my legs but it seems to be pleasant. I get home and if Mum's home she's either lazing about the house, about to go out or cooking dinner. If she's not home she's either taking my sister to her extra classes for the fucking idiots or she's catering to our horse.

After dinner I sit at the computer and wait for kinda social activity, I keep my phone right next to me but as normal it doesn't go off. Eventually I contemplate doing homework and that normally doesn't happen, if it does happen I spend all night doing it and wake up in a shitty mood the next day due to lack of sleep. When I finally do go to bed I actually find it hard to sleep. Although there's no physical pain I feel that a huge weight on throbbing on my head. If I had to describe the sound it would be a very heavy thick one toned bass, constantly holding one note.

Mondays normally suck for me. This Monday brought me being ignored once again by Andy, finding out that Alice is gunna end up with some chavy looking guy who someone in my Health and Social care class set her up with, I'm not sure why but it sorta bugs me. I don't have any kind of love feeling for her I guess it's because they were openly talking about the size of his penis.  I don't really feel much for Andy either, maybe I'm saying that because she's kinda pissed me off, I feel sorta screwed over because she was my first kiss and now she's ignoring me. Oh well, Mondays suck end of story.

On a slightly brighter note, I'll be going to live music on Wednesday with Harry Millard and Alex Bamford. For those of you who don't know what that is it's pretty much a bunch of people who get together and jam around. It's at the college and it should be funny watching Alex attempt to play.

Anyway, Mondays suck, I'm going to bed, take care and D.F.T.B.A.

Saturday stuff.

Well it's Saturday and guess what I'm doing over this weekend. Yep as always it seems like I suddenly don't exist. However, I was asked if I wanted to go out with Louise and a bunch of her friends but the last time I did that I had to pay £6 to get into a shitty fireworks display with a crap band, feel out of place, freezing my balls off and get a muddy ass so no I didn't wanna go out with those people today. I guess that sorta was my chance to do something this weekend but still, the outcome would've been the same.

I'm bored, listening to music, right now it's Catcher in the rye by Guns N Roses. The thought of writing a book comes into mind sometimes, about 4 people who grow up together and change, have fights, makes friends and eventually they all lose everything and commit suicide in various ways. Like one would drive his car into something explosive, one would shoot himself in his bedroom and I'm not sure about the other two. Maybe one moves away and the other does something else I dunno. Oh! Maybe one gets shot by people because he gets too involved in drugs?

Honestly though, if I had a gun it life would be so much easier. I wish I was smarter but nope, I'm an idiot and if anyone reads this they'd agree.

I'm totally being used oh, and I really should be doing homework right now but I honestly can't be fucked. Like what's the point? I know all the stuff they talk about in class, more or less. I don't get why we get practically brainwashed from birth about how we have to succeed in school and grades are the most important thing in the world and you have to be socially accepted etc. I can understand our parents giving us the basics like stay away from drugs and pedophiles etc but any further than that is stupid unless we ask for help but then again if we're small and stupid of course we're going to ask for help. Oh a little off topic I.R.S by Guns N Roses is a fucking amazing song. I hate how assholes somehow become successful and people like me, real people get shat on. Now reading all my other posts I probably don't come across as such a good guy, but I really do fucking try.

We had a two minute silence at college on Friday for Remembrance day, not to sound mean but I doubt many people actually give a fuck. People don't care about what our older relatives did to stop evil. And even then it depends on what you mean by evil. To some people what Hitler wanted to do was good. Anyway I can understand Teachers and parents wanting to get the message of respect in our heads but half the people in this world are way to fucking stupid and bratty. I hate this place with a passion, and I'm just as bad as everyone else. Sure I can bitch about how bad this place but that's not part of the solution at all. I'd rather kill myself than live in this shithole of a world. No infact shithole is giving Earth way too much credit.

I can do my best to be nice, polite and try to fit in but if I don't somehow it's my fault? Maybe it is but it's not just my fault, give me a fucking chance? Nah even teachers are like that, the people we're supposed to look up at, the people teaching the next generation can be total pricks. They don't teach everyone in their class, they teach the majority and leave the stragglers to the vultures of depression and misery, hopelessness and hurt. Just take my Health and Social care teacher Corrine, She is fucking shit teacher. Oh I know I should respect the fact she's been teaching for so long and such but it's one rule for one person and another for a better person. For me at least she's not part of the solution she part of the problem. Then there's one of my English teachers of whom I don't the name of and I don't care to learn it. She used to be a body builder or some kinda athletic cow. Anyway her views on people are just so fucking insensitive and wrong, like HOW THE FUCK DID SHE BECOME A TEACHER?! She's about as sensitive as a brick.

This world depresses me to the point I write a shitty blog no one reads. I'm part of the problem and the way I see it I can be part of the solution if I grow some balls.

Looking back on what I've written I don't think anyone would see it the way I see it. They'd probably just think I'm a moody teenager throwing a fit and maybe that's true I dunno but right now this is how I feel.

I'd love to get a bass guitar and huge ass amp and something to make it sound evil and a little fuzzy, I guess that would be a distortion pedal? I dunno but anyway I'd just sit there hitting long drone-y notes.

Okay well I'm bored of writing, if anyone actually reads this please comment or something I'd love to hear from you, even if you're just here to bitch at me.

Well take care and D.F.T.B.A.

 

More stuff.

Well it's certainly been an interesting week my non existent readers. I got my first ever kiss this week yeah seriously, my first ever! It happened on Tuesday right at the end of college, bet you're wondering who it is huh? It was Andy. Yeah I've mentioned her before. Anyway college as always has given me too much homework. I'm fed up with it and what kinda makes stuff worse is I think Andy is ignoring me. We went out on Wednesday with her uh I'm not really sure what to call her but we went out with Jakki and I think that's probably what messed it up. I guess it just didn't go well and we haven't really talked since Wednesday. I hope something happens but Alice told me she has some kinda personality disorder but the "real her" likes me so I guess that's good right? But I'm still kinda hesitant as she's in an open relationship with Jakki. So does that mean she's just getting her thrills from me and moving on or what? I hope not, she's really cute and we get along okay I guess. I dunno anyway Wednesday I went into college and me and my buddy Harry Millard had a little jam, we played the blues and 2 people came over and asked if they could listen to us play! XD I know it's only 2 people but that was amazing! I REALLY! Wanna play on stage, like playing a fucking amazing show would be so kick ass! Like get the crowd involved when I can, Seek and Destroy, Master of Puppets, Creeping Death, Tornado of souls, I believe in a thing called love, Toxicity etc. ANYTHING AWESOME! I just wanna get that buzz I get from watching the greats play live. I want the crowd to fucking love it and feel good y'know? It just looks so fun! Anyway it's Friday night and I don't really have any plans except for maybe Sunday? I might be jamming with Harry but I'm not sure what's going on.
Anyway! I don't really have much else to say, I'm rather buzzy right now, I've been listening to Metallica Live in Seattle 1989, SO FUCKING AMAZING! 

Take care and D.F.T.B.A.

I don't even know what this is, I guess it's a rant?

So I got drunk this past Tuesday and I found out that Alice liked me and I sorta blew my chance I guess. Oh well it's not like I'd know what to do even we were to date. I'm useless honestly. I'm not sure what to write honestly, I'm just a little pissed off with the world. Nothing to do, no one to talk to and I feel unwanted. I help people out when I can or at least I try to and I get sweet nothing back. I'm not saying I help out so I can get something back I'm just saying it'd be nice once in a while to get some appreciation and acknowledgement.

I'm a little pissed off that somehow even though I practice every day I seem to be getting worse at playing my guitar. My hand hurts when I do Spider chords now which for you people who have no idea what I mean when I say that just Youtube Dave Mustaine spider chords and you'll see what I mean, don't get the wrong idea I'm not new to doing spider chords, they used to hurt when I first started doing them but you get used to it. Simple riffs and chords hurt my fretting hand for some reason. Maybe I'm practicing too much? I don't think I am, it's not like I'm really hitting it hard I'm just doing my normal stuff. 

I just wanna fucking scream! Not in a girly slasher movie way, in a sorta the way Tom Araya shouts everything he sings, just take the song Disciple by Slayer. I'm just fed up with everything. Bleh on top of my struggles I somehow have, I have to think about my assignments I have due on Monday.

Oh and I was supposed to see my psychiatrist this coming Tuesday but she canceled that so fuck you, you stupid bitch just fuck you. I'm finding it hard getting to sleep at night, my feet get cold as my quilt is just a little bit too small? Or maybe I'm just too tall. I am at least 6 foot tall. I resorted to climbing into a sleeping bag and putting my quilt on top of that.

When is life going to get good for me? I have no idea what to write now so I guess that's it for now. Not sure what I'll do after posting this, maybe go to bed? I dunno.

I wish someone would read this, as I've said before just for advise.
Take care and D.F.T.B.A.